pink doughnuts

Homer Ipsum

Doh! Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money? Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves. Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Just sit through this NRA meeting Marge, and if you still don’t think guns are great then we’ll argue some more. We can outsmart those dolphins. Don’t forget – we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole, and the pudding cup. Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money? Oh yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves. I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England. Marge, try to understand. There are two types of college students, jocks and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time. Kids, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening. Roads are just a suggestion Marge, just like pants. I like my beer cold… my TV loud… and my homosexuals flaming. If it doesn’t have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair. To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems. A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman. What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.

A woman is a lot like a refrigerator: 6 feet tall, 300 pounds… it makes ice. Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don’t even get paid for the stuff they do? If I could say a few words… I would be a better public speaker. I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman. A woman is a lot like a refrigerator: 6 feet tall, 300 pounds… it makes ice. Marge it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

You can have all the money in the world, but there’s one thing you will never have… a dinosaur. Marge, you know it’s rude to talk when my mouth is full. I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here. Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out. If it doesn’t have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair. Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out. To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

Marge it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Marge, you know it’s rude to talk when my mouth is full. Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don’t even get paid for the stuff they do? Vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos. When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! Vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos. I’m like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?